oh, bugger!

i think i have told nearly everybody - even the ones that are definitely not interested in the topic -

that my bike was stolen last week.

i just wanted to mention it here too, just in case i forgot to tell someone.


i'm still quite pissed off at the subject. :(

should i stay or should i go?

i found a place where they'd offer me the job - if i proved that i am the one for that job. the only problem is that proving means six months working in munich for very little money. not enough to actually survive let alone live. and after that i'd not even be guaranteed to have the job, i'd have to beat my other "opponents". yea, what else? we're talking sports.

so after one week of thinking it over and over and over and talking with people and changing my mind over and over and over again i decided to stay in berlin and not to do it. i cannot think of anything that has been so hard for me lately. and i really had to get myself together to not start crying on the phone because it felt slightly wrong. and because my would-have-been-boss said:

that's sad. we really liked you and really wanted you to work for us.

i am not one that looks for the big money. not at all. and if this whole thing would have taken place in berlin i would not have hesitated one second and had said yes. but after all the years of investing into my apprenticeship and certain trainee positions i have to rationally decide what's best to do. and i think it's not very wise to invest the little that's left and hope for the big win.

because: what if i lose?

anyway. the die is cast. there's no way back. so i think i continue going ahead.

another "star"

six months after michi beck aka deejot hausmarke of the band die fantastischen vier moved out of our house i discovered another "star" is living in our part of the house.
when i first saw her i knew she was an actress but i just could not remember where i had last seen her. but yesterday it suddenly dawned on me, when she greeted me with a blank, not too friendly hallo in the hallway.
her name is melanie rohde and she was known for her famous part as hannah van der loh in the first ever soap opera marienhof.

isn't it awkward what people i remember?

embarrassment

in late december i visited an exhibition with pictures from british photographer martin parr at c/o berlin. i don't know much about photography, i just decide if i like pictures or not. and parr's pictures i liked so much that i think as many people as possible should go and look at them.
i went there with my friend karen who's from london and when looking at all the english people, photographed in normal everyday situations, she said she feels embarrassed for her country. i could understand that because upstairs there was a room entitled "thinking of" and one part was "thinking of germany" where it was my part to feel embarrassed for my people.

martin parr has what i think an excellent photographer needs: the ability to see the absurde and ugly in everyday situations and the courage to show it. great fun. watch it.

sick

i can't help it but everytime i click on his profile to leave a message on his wall i feel sick. as now. it's that french cow marie leaving messages for him that sound so intimate and loving and i can't help but wonder what is going on between them?!

funny thing about this is that it is more than six months since we last saw each other. and still i cannot seem to get rid of this disgusting feeling in my stomach whenever i see his picture. what has to happen to get this too young, too freaky, too headless and too immature bloke out of my head?

oh. talking about immatureness i got a message from my married friend who still kind of fancies me. which is the second thing making me really sick because all the strong feelings seem to all of a sudden be there again. him i have not seen for almost a year. can anybody tell me what is it with men?

i feel like throwing up.

astonishing

arsene wenger is talking german!

wibbling

jesus christ, my ex-fling finally managed to write his book. was not too long ago when i was sitting very hungover at anita wronski telling my friend steffi about b. and his attempts to write a book. all the time i've been with him he was getting on my nerves going on about the story and that he would really need to get it done but has no time but has to because his agent told him there was a deadline...
and he very proudly told me the first sentence of the book, which should have been something like this:

sie nahm ihre kontaktlinsen heraus und weinte erst dann.

i never thought he would ever finish it, let alone get started. but a nosey look on amazon.de left me astonished. there is a book and you can pre-order it already. it's supposed to be released in july 08 and the title is zwölf stunden sind kein tag.
what can i say? of course do twelve hours not make a whole day. moron.

in very few moments of loneliness i sometimes think of him and that it actually was funny and that we got on like a house on fire. that was honestly true. but it was mainly due to the fact that we were mostly drunk. it's hard to stand him wibble on about things he thinks he alone owns the knowledge to when you're sober. and i think i had too much of him in a sober state which made me end this whole thing.

looking back not much has changed. he's still smoking (and still horribly coughing i suppose), he still tries to conceal his belly with shirts and woolen jumpers and looking at pictures of him i can tell his smell from them.
even if we had a great time - he was being extremely rude to me and it's good we haven't heard from each other in over 17 months. because if we had i'd have killed him. he hasn't changed at all. except that one can see his gob in a video-blog where he blethers about music and politics and why the world is a bad place. but who is interested to hear that from a bloke that is not even able to clean his flat or get his arse out of a company he's been in for 13 years and defo not pleased with?

exactly.

who's cleaning up?

it's january 3rd. when you go outside it looks as if my street was removed to a tip. or as if they decided to change my beautiful touristy street into a tip. you can choose.

in only 45 minutes all the nutters that think new year has to be welcomed with tons of fireckrackers and rockets made a mess which is only to be found after christopher street day or love parade - when it was still in berlin.
when i went out on january 1st i was glad it snowed - so the mess was not so visible. but after the snow was gone it was undeniable, that all the sparkling and glittering stuff is left to rot in the streets. actually i thought the BSR would come with their little cars and brooms and wastebags and clean the shit up. i was wrong.
and for the first time i really don't like living here. if you know how to party - which berlin does - you should know who cleans up afterwards. this is where my city has problems. and this is what differentiates it from munich.

did i ever mention that i hate new year's eve?

ch-ch-changes

new year. new language.