i feel numb

shiver cigarettes no food can’t eat. smoking makes it worse i know don’t tell me it’s bad for me i’m all grown up i can decide for myself can i really? tea always helps a cup of tea solves every problem they say i try it doesn’t solve anything just makes me run to the toilet every ten minutes. my hands are as cold as ice don’t want to turn the heating on it’s only september it’s already september camping is over he is back everything’s changed. the good is gone the bad is here bad feelings inside me i need a warm embrace and another hot cup of tea need action not words can’t move the same sounds over and over and over i sound like mike skinner by now. where can i deliver what i don’t want and don’t need i didn’t order anything didn’t order pain my life was fine before now it’s shite feelings are a bugger noone needs them really would be better to live in a world without any just footy and beer that’d be enough work work work pub club sleep what else does one need. scaring people away good hobby has always been just painful sometimes for the others mostly for me really love the pain k says you love your bit of drama, don’t you? yea i must admit i do but not now would kill to be no drama queen just be normal and behaving no ups or downs boring but sane mature a bit dull that’s what i want to be not smart not sensitive not tempted to step into the very well known unknown it’ll never work never so i can continue boozing and smoking nobody cares but i i don’t need to look good for myself i don’t care i get wrinkles around the eyes anyways sooner or later i’ll be all wrinkly with having had no shag in ages and still having not been courageous enough to invite the good looking delivery bloke inside.

what a sad figure i am.